Reiterative Incidents!


OK! This is something that I have been thinking to write about but what really probed me to do it right away was this blog I just read “Groping Tales” http://diptea.blogspot.com/

 

I dont know when people will change rather when men will change! What a pity it is to see girls having a hard time in every single day of their lives because of eve-teasing. A simple routine like getting back home can seem like a nightmare!

 

I have personally had some experiences and never had the guts to say it to anyone. Probably today am going to try to break the ice and say things because despite being the ‘bold’ types if I have been refraining myself from saying this. I dont think many girls will be able to really break free from this burden that they carry with themselves silently.

 

Well, I would like to give you a little background about myself which will help you understand better. I am a north indian girl born and brought up in Kochi, a city infested with conservative and narrow minded people(not all though!).

 

Being an extrovert north Indian girl in the south is more like being a fish out of water. I dont know how many people would actually agree with me but if you are a northy girl in the south you are bound to agree! So the ‘extra’ undue attention is guaranteed which never helps but just spells disaster! Because of this kind of an instant reputation, terms like BI*** become a part and parcel of life! (sheesh! I cant believe I am ACTUALLY writing all this!). I learned to laugh at it but no doubt that it took some time. Because of this kind of instant reputation I did find it hard to get close to people in my new school as everyone was apprehensive. (I dont really blame them!) But in a period of a 5-6 months, people who really got to know me started defying these rumours. After this I made great freinds for life! Am still in touch with them and they mean the world to me! 

Anyway this was just one of the first incidents that happened and sadly it just worsens!

 

I used to walk home from school everyday and we just had to walk through a residential area. Now, walking through a residential area doesn’t sound like much of a problem but believe me it was! It was more than just any normal problem. There have been days when I have had my heart in my mouth!School used to get over in the afternoons there hardly any people on the road especially on those days when we had extra classes. And on the road there would be these 35-40 year old men who would have their bikes and actually call out for us and show certain ‘parts’. UHHH!!!!YUCK!  This has happened with me thrice and I remember what I felt like! It has by far been one of the worst experiences responsible for god-alone-knows how many nightmares. Later, our teachers got to hear about it and they would be with us and some police flying squads were also there to control eve-teasing which made life much better!

 

With that school life came to an end! And then I thought I was strong enough to FACE life (as expected) I was wrong,HORRIBLY wrong! 😦

 

The next battlefield was college! I joined a college which was 3 hours away from home and I was sadly a hosteller who would RUN home every weekend, which meant 3 hours in public transport! hmpf!!!!I will get to those a little later.

 

Let me begin with the northy girls reputation on joining college(which is in Kollam). The normal belief is that all girls from Ernakulam are hip and are just known to be characterless! Being a northy girl from Ernakulam was like the cherry on the cake, it meant 150% characterless! grrrr…. As I mentioned earlier, that am an extrovert and dint believe in talking to guys as wrong. So, I used to speak with guys which the “good” “naadan” (traditional) girls dont! This added to my already exploding reputation!

 

In school, the level of comments was limited to tags like ‘BI*** but in college it started off at an altogether different level  (I know you all can guess!) which I dint expect!. I know should have expected this but whatever!

 

Anyway I heard about all this from a very good friend of mine. Lets call him X(He was one of the guys I used to speak to). Because of which my dear friend X had to hear nasty things about me! One fine day he somehow gathered the guts to look me in the eye and tell me about the ongoing stuff cause I had to be prepared to face it one day or another! I still remember having swollen eyes the next day. I just failed to understand what wrong I have done to hear total crap like that! Thanks to X, I got through it bravely and learned to turn a deaf ear to this SHIT. (Sorry for the language! but cant help it)

I know I have already written 800 odd words but I have LOTS more to add! Thanks for your patience for reading. Hope you can read a little further also! (No harm in assuming there are readers!  😛  )

 

Getting to the journeys, sometimes drunk men would practically stick to you. At other times they would get uncomfortably close and touchy. Sometimes we fail to realize their intentions while at other times some guy friends of ours come around. There was one particular journey when this man was trying his best to get touchy with me and my firend in an extremely crowded bus. FI my friend is the silent types and this guy was taking advantage. I gave him this Killer look and asked him to move away ALOUD!Bravo, it WORKED!!! This is one thing I am extremely proud of!!! 🙂 🙂 🙂

 

These journeys were irritating but none affected me as much mentally when compared to what I am about to mention. The next was a train journey.  This passenger was fashionably late and this man who claims to be a ‘clinical psychologist’ tries his best to ask our names (our is my friend say Y n me), what we do blah blah. I showed an immidiate disinclination to talk but my friend is the sweet types and found it too hard to ignore someone. So she answered though she wasn’t comfortable. Initially, he made his best attempts to flatter us by complimenting both of us. Because of my disinterest in him and his talks he told my friend that I was never going to prosper in life because of my ego n blah blah! Then he spoke about ‘God’. And yes, I forgot to mention he gave these looks which would make you uncomfortable and concious and that jerk looked like a complete pervert! He even dared to say cheap things to my freind like ‘I know you have had a past and have gotten physically close to someone but it just resulted in failure. I can help you if you wish’. Till date I dont understand how she managed to not slap him! Anyway this guy followed us on the station till our parents came! I have never been so happy to see my Dad as I was on this day! I was down for the next few weeks because of this. My mother, my mentor were all woried because of this.  I still dont know why it affected me so much but it did! 
 

There are many more incidents where my friends have had a hard time with men who are the age of our fathers and are “FAMILY FRIENDS”. Not getting to all that. Cause this is one thing I can go on writing about!

 

Moral of the story::::  A**HOLES are all around! You cant look to change the world but can be better prepared for such things.You really dont have to learn all lessons the hard way. Whenever such people approach you be bold enough to create a hungama by either slapping the guy or just yelling! If he is not worth so much of your time, energy and attention try ignoring him, plug in a MP3 and enjoy the music (This was suggested to me by my Mentor after meeting the ‘clinical psychologist’ and believe me it works!!!)

 

PS: Will this ever stop??? I dont know!

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12 responses to “Reiterative Incidents!”

  1. Anirudh Goel says :

    First be happy as you aren’t alone living in this disgust. But as a brother to a sister, and close confidante to many, i’d like to add more to the morals. These filthy people who are spoiling the gentleman tag, are very weak. A raised brow or a voice will do the trick. try to carry a pepper spray (it works good, for emergencies). Also prefer not to be alone, cos you can’t outnumber them in case of emergency. Mobile phones, mp3 players are the best to distract. However if at all you end up in a scuffle, i’d recomment you to hit at the place where it hurts the most. Give a good hit!

  2. U know me very well says :

    Hi,

    I am sooo glad that u had the guts to write these terrible stuffs so freely. Its good to spread awareness, who knows maybe some girl might benefit out of it, when they are too affected and feeel all alone in this world, they will understand that many face similar problems and its time to take a stand.
    Many girls stay quite about these matters, coz they are afraid of the society. Mostly people would say, its the girls fault, that the girls are responsible for PROVOKING the guys and all that crap.
    Every girl must have had expereinces, I guess when all put together would itself be an encyclopedia.
    But keep up the spirit, learn to fight back, dont shy away. I am happy you were bold, and each experience made you richer and stronger at heart.
    I am sure the 4 years at college, Amrita have made you bold enough and you will brace better to face the world.
    Take care

  3. Unnikrishnan says :

    First of all I really admire your courage to talk about this indignation you suffered. Your post was a very emotional read for me. There are many friends of mine who have had similar experiences or worse. I don’t know why we tolerate these miserable pigs!
    Our culture [not only mallu, the whole of India in general] condones such behavior often blaming the women for provoking the f#$%ers and I just can’t seem to understand it at all.
    I used to be one of those guys who was totally oblivious to such stuff until I started college and heard stories about some of the wretched experiences of my friends. Then there was the instance of a close friend of mine harassed in Karunagapally. From then on whenever I traveled with my female friends, I have tried to be protective. But it seems that many of them accept their condition as a fait accompli for which nothing could be done except be exceptionally careful. It makes me sick sometimes to know that I can be carefree and go wherever I want while half of the population are afraid to go out into the streets alone. Is India really free when half of it suffers silently?
    I hope that the courage that you showed in facing these situations will spread to other girls in our campus as well. One thing I have noticed here is the lack of any professional counseling for the students. Maybe it is a point to be raised with the mgmt.
    And Gunjan, you be your feisty self no matter what other A-holes say. Maybe they are simply intimidated by confident women. 😉

    • distinctlyuniform says :

      Well, liked what you said in the end! 🙂
      And yes it is true that everyone does suffer, just that either people TRY to forget it or just accept it. Both of which are not solutions. I just think it is being confident and emotionally sound is the only way out to keep yourself unaffected by all these weirdo’s!
      And yes it does make me doubt the ‘free’ nation that India is.
      Another thing you mentioned about the case being the same all over India, I think you are right that this happens everywhere but we also need to accept the fact that it is much more here in the south. I don’t know if you will be able to understand this.

  4. Unnikrishnan says :

    You might want to check this organization out – http://blog.blanknoise.org/
    They do some substantial work to mitigate this problem.

  5. Shilpa says :

    well, I second your thoughts.I can understand what you felt.and yes these men showing their ‘thing’,it happens everywhere.I have also written about such people. I will be recommending your post.

    • distinctlyuniform says :

      Some things sadly are ‘omnipresent’! 😛 😀 Though we dont wish for things to be that way but guess we dont have a choice there.
      Am trying to laugh it off now…

      And thank you very much Shilpa for thinking my post worthy enough to recommend. 🙂

  6. Elizabeth says :

    Hi..This post made me think of the time when I used to go to school in private buses. Guess the experience is same for most girls; then had safety pins around 😛 I also studied in a college in Kollam(tkmce), and believe that place is actual a land of perverts…

  7. Haresh says :

    You’re one of the brave girls, it looks like, 🙂 and yet, there’s a lot of scope for improvement also though :p

    One of my friends told me recently that she’s been followed by a guy she doesn’t know and she’s too afraid to do anything or even to tell about it to her parents so that her parents don’t worry ‘unnecessarily’ about her. She says that she’s got to deal with such sh*t being a girl.

    😐

    • distinctlyuniform says :

      I know a LOT of girls myself who say similar things and bear with the situation instead of actually DEALING with it! The real reason I wrote about this is to let that category know that there are other ways to deal with things! Lets hope things change!

      And a lot of people do tell me I am BRAVE! 😛 But thanks anyway! 🙂

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