What to gift your less favourite folks

Buying gifts always needs creativity and enthusiasm especially if it is for  someone you aren’t quite fond of… That makes the whole process more painful.

Recently, I read something that I thought could be a perfect gift for someone I don’t like! The book is none other than Revolution 2020 by India’s most loved author (unfortunately that’s true) Chetan Bhagat. I had quite enjoyed Bhagat’s first book five point someone and read the subsequent books (Three Mistakes of my life, Two states) and dint quite like them. But it is the first time that I couldn’t get myself to complete a Chetan Bhagat book. Revolution 2020 was absolute torture! I tried pushing myself through it but after about 130pages I decided it was time to throw in the towel. Nothing I have ever read has been more dull, dragging, boring and absolutely painful. 

Coming to think of it, Chetan Bhagat is more a one book wonder. After that first book his books had the ring of a third class bollywood movie. I can’t get myself to even gather my thoughts on the book because I just dont have the guts to think through those 130 pages again. And that’s when I decided that this is something I will gift people I am not too fond of. Let them enjoy Mr Ex-IIT-IIM’s torture!

I was thinking to myself if I was being too harsh on having such negative thoughts on the book and thats when I realized that I was not alone in despising Chetan Bhagat. I thoroughly enjoyed a statement which called Chetan Bhagat the Karan Johar of the publishing insudtry! Couldn’t help but laugh out loud!

Final Verdict: 0.5/5

The Secrets of the Nagas

Today, He is a God.

4000 years ago, He was just a man.

The hunt is on. The sinister Naga warrior has killed his friend Brahaspati and now stalks his wife Sati. Shiva, the Tibetan immigrant who is the prophesied destroyer of evil, will not rest till he finds his demonic adversary. His vengeance and the path to evil will lead him to the door of the Nagas, the serpent people. Of that he is certain.

The evidence of the malevolent rise of evil is everywhere. A kingdom is dying as it is held to ransom for a miracle drug. A crown prince is murdered. The Vasudevs Shivas philosopher guides betray his unquestioning faith as they take the aid of the dark side. Even the perfect empire, Meluha is riddled with a terrible secret in Maika, the city of births. Unknown to Shiva, a master puppeteer is playing a grand game.

In a journey that will take him across the length and breadth of ancient India, Shiva searches for the truth in a land of deadly mysteries only to find that nothing is what it seems.

Fierce battles will be fought. Surprising alliances will be forged. Unbelievable secrets will be revealed in this second book of the Shiva Trilogy, the sequel to the #1 national bestseller, The Immortals of Meluha

This is the second book of the Shiva Trilogy by Amish. Normally when the first book is fantastic, the sequel barely ever lives upto it. This book was a welcome change. This is an action packed book with a lot of of food for thought. An extremely well thought out book with some very strong messages which have been weaved intricately with Indian mythology and lots of imagination. This reflects a lot about the author and his idea of eutopia.

One of the main ideas in the book revolves around the question -’What is Evil?’. This is closely related to the phrase – ‘Har Har Mahadev’ which means there is God in everyone which was a phrase used by Shiva’s army while attacking the Chandravanshi’s. The other main idea involved is that of a caste system by skill instead of by birth. This is where Maika, the birth city comes in. The author truly believes that each person should be assigned a caste (which equates to role in the Indian caste system) depending on the skill-set the child possess not the household he/she is born in. To be true to this thought, the author does not have his last name on the cover of the book as his surname Tripathi is associated with the Brahmin caste.

This book focuses on Shiva’s quest to find the murderer of his dear brother-like friend Brahaspati, the chief scientist of Mount Mandar. Shiva is also determined to find an unknown skilled assassin who attacked Sati thrice in the past. Both of these motives lead Shiva to the Nagas. Despite the above facts the question is – are the Nagas evil?

In the process of getting to the Naga kingdom, Shiva discovers some shameful secrets about Maika, the city of births. Some of these secrets affect his near and dear ones. Shiva along with the Suryavanshi and Chandravanshi soldiers proceed to the Branga territory as the Brangas are said to have close ties with the Nagas.

Shiva’s entourage consists of both the Suryavanshi’s and the Chandravanshi’s. Shiva leaves Sati behind with a heavy heart as his son Kartik is too young for the journey. During their journey to the Branga territory, there is another shackle that is broken for the Suryavanshi General Partvateshwar.

Parvateshwar had vowed to be a celibate as a family decision to protest against the wavering Maika policy for the various castes to respect his grandfather’s word. He had been true to his vow for 120 years. Anandamayi the Chandravanshi princess, fell in love with Partvateshwar and tries her best to rope him in. The character of Anandamayi is that of an bollywood ‘chamia’ who would do anything to get her man. She is saucy, tangy and everything more!

Meanwhile Sati discovers another tradition which like the Vikarma law is unfair. She sees her dear ones suffering because of that and makes a brave, over-the-top attempt to stand against it. As you may have guessed, I am not quite impressed with the role Sati plays in this book. There is nothing exciting or unexpected about her. How can a woman leave her infant to fight against the lions??!! Like I said earlier, a little over-the-top.

Aside the role of Sati and some rather loose language, a fantastic read!

Overall Verdict: 5/5

The Immortals of Meluha

1900 BC. In what modern Indians mistakenly call the Indus Valley Civilisation. The inhabitants of that period called it the land of Meluha a near perfect empire created many centuries earlier by Lord Ram, one of the greatest monarchs that ever lived. This once proud empire and its Suryavanshi rulers face severe perils as its primary river, the revered Saraswati, is slowly drying to extinction. They also face devastating terrorist attacks from the east, the land of the Chandravanshis. To make matters worse, the Chandravanshis appear to have allied with the Nagas, an ostracised and sinister race of deformed humans with astonishing martial skills. The only hope for the Suryavanshis is an ancient legend: When evil reaches epic proportions, when all seems lost, when it appears that your enemies have triumphed, a hero will emerge. Is the rough-hewn Tibetan immigrant Shiva, really that hero? And does he want to be that hero at all? Drawn suddenly to his destiny, by duty as well as by love, will Shiva lead the Suryavanshi vengeance and destroy evil?

This is the first book in the Shiva trilogy which was a national best-seller. This book portrays the vivid imagination of the first time author Amish. In one line this book sets the myth of Shiva in today’s world which makes the readers more receptive and open to it. It is key to note that this book is classified as the ‘Alternative History/Fiction’ genre so the original myth has been twisted and turned to make the story more gripping and dramatic.

Shiva is the leader of the Guna tribe of Tibet which occupies the area near the Mansarovar lake at the foot of Mount Kailash. The ways of being of this tribe are rather barbaric and their constant challenge is to fight the aggresive Pakrati tribe. Shiva is convinced by members of the Suryavanshi tribe to immigrate to the other side of the hills – to India.

After Shiva immigrates to India (or Meluha), he consumes the Somras – a medicinal drink created by the Meluhan’s which transforms his throat colour to blue. This causes a certain excitement and anxiety among the Meluhans. Shiva seems puzzled at the strong devotion of the Meluhan folks. He later discovers that according to the Indian legends – an immigrant with a blue throat or a neelkanth would be the destroyer of all evil.

Shiva is invited to the city of Meluha and meets the emperor. He is astonished by how well planned the cities were. They were a sheer engineering marvel. Once he is at Meluha he falls in love with princess Sati who is a great dancer and a fierce warrior. Sati is also subject to some unfair traditions of the society called the Vikarma laws. Shiva removes the Vikarma law which was an unfair tradition being followed among the Meluhan’s. He also discovers that the reason for the rather long lives of the Meluhan’s is their secret medicinal drink – the Somras which is manufactured at a secret facility at Mount Mandar. During his stay and travel Shiva makes many friends. Some key characters like: Nandi – the Meluhan chief who convinced Shiva and the Guna’s to migrate, Brahaspati – the chief scientist at Mount Mandar, etc.

Throughout the book there are some hooded creatures (the Naga’s) who try to attack and abduct princess Sati. They are believed to be notorious and their fighting skills are feared. Not much is revealed about them in this book but their presence makes the book even more gripping.

The story about the union of Shiva and Sati as per the book is not in-line with the original myth. Shiva is pictured as an ordinary human being with his desires, flaws and regrets. His flaws to smoke weed, desire to obtain Sati, regret from a childhood incident where he did not perform his duty. This makes the story more acceptable to the mordern logical Indian who cannot accept the existence of a ‘perfect’ soul. To conclude, this book is an absolute page turner and a must read!

Overall Verdict: 4.5/5
PS: I may be biased in my overall rating as I love Indian Mythology!

 

If Looks Could Kill – Beverly Barton

A face to die for! MIRROR, MIRROR ON THE WALL, WHO IS THE DEADLIEST OF THEM ALL? The victims are found face-down in the murky waters of Cherokee Pointe, Tennessee. The murders all share the same characteristics: the victims are found naked except for a black, satin ribbon tied around they’re necks — and they’re all redheads. Meanwhile, Reve Sorrell has come to Cherokee Pointe seeking answers about her connection to bad girl Jazzy Talbot. With their stunning looks, the two redheads are mirror images of each other — but raised in very different worlds. As the serial killer leaves another chilling calling card, Reve turns to Sheriff Jacob Butler to help her unravel the deadly secrets of her past. But one person will do anything to stop her — and they are closer than she could ever imagine!

This was my first Beverly Barton book and I must admit that I thoroughly enjoyed reading it. The book is a must read for any one who enjoys crime and romance. It gives you a good dip in both of these. It was an absolute page-turner and towards the end I found it hard to put this one down. Right from the beginning Barton narrows down the list of suspects but it still keeps you guessing about who the real killer is. Towards the end, I badly wanted to know if my guess about who the killer was, was right. Fortunately (or unfortunately) I was wrong, that made the end more exciting for me – who doesn’t like surprises?!

Lets now peekaboo into the plot.  Reve and Jazz (Jasmine) discover that they are twin sisters and have lived their entire life not knowing that they had a twin sister. Reve was discovered in the dumpster and after that adopted by a wealthy family – the Sorrells. Jazz on the other hand was brought up by her aunt Sally Talbot who was an eccentric old woman and wasn’t very well off but loved Jazz dearly. Both the twins due to their contrasting upbringing found it hard to accept the idea of sisterhood. Slowly as they get to know each other, they start liking each other almost instantly. Jazz is dating a guy called Caleb who has recently discovered he is heir to the wealthy Upton family in Cherokee point.

Slowly the twins become curious about their mysterious past and set out to discover the truth about their biological parents. And soon realize someone wants to keep them away from discovering the clandestine past. Meanwhile there is a serial killer on the loose who kills pretty red-heads and to their disadvantage Jazz and Reve are both red-heads and are next on the hit list. Slowly these seemingly different dangers intertwine together and makes matters extremely complicated and dangerous for the red-head siblings.

Reve meets Sheriff Butler in her first visit to Cherokee point and in their first encounter they despise each other. It is interesting to see how their relationship changes with time. With time the despise begins to fade and how they become romantically involved. This relationship adds the romance to all the conspiracy and murders. Overall an enjoyable read. I look forward to reading other Barton books.

Overall Verdict: 4/5

One Day – David Nicholls

‘I can imagine you at forty,’ she said, a hint of malice in her voice. ‘I can picture it right now.’He smiled without opening his eyes. ‘Go on then.’

15th July 1988. Emma Morley and Dexter Mayhew meet for the first time on the night of their graduation. Tomorrow they must go their separate ways.
So where will they be on this one day next year? And the year after that? And every year which follows?
One Day is a funny/sad love story spanning twenty years, a book about growing up – how we change, how we stay the same.

The choice to read this book was again an easy one it was an international bestseller! I have to be honest and tell you that the book did not live upto its name. It was a very interesting read in the beginning and towards the middle of the book you just loathe the characters. You loathe Emma’s naiveness, Dexter’s pompousness. I haven’t still been able to make up my mind about the end of the book. I absolutely hated one of the over-the-top drama twists to the tale but I think the author made an ok-ish comeback after that. In short, nothing to look forward to.

This book showcases the relationship between a boy and girl over a span of twenty years. This book shows how the friendship evolves over time. How they get each others back through their  lows in both personal and professional life. Emma Morley has a crush on Dexter Mayhew and does her best to not show him that.

The initial phase of their friendship is the best the book has to offer. It is very realistic and probably something a lot of us can relate to. I thoroughly enjoyed reading the long letters they write to each other especially the detail of the underlining or upper case because that is exactly how I write! Having said that I wouldn’t want to relate myself to the naiveness of Emma.

Dexter is portrayed as the cool dude who is a big hit among women and is innocent at heart. He joins the media/entertainment industry as a tv anchor and transforms into one of those pompous, full-of-himself ass hole (Please ignore the usage of words but that seems like the most apt way to describe him). During this phase, he doesnt value his dear ones and takes them for granted. It is during this phase that Emma is working at a Mexican restaurant. She wonders what she is doing working as a waitress which was never what she had dreamt.

In the next phase, their lives take a turn and their roles reverse. Emma is now the successful writer while Dexter is the failure. He has made a mess of his life and is jobless and divorced. Emma is still there for him and he rediscovers his life. And this for me is the part that let me down the most. Too much drama just traumatized me and I would like to say it could have been much better.

Overall Verdict: 3/5

Moth Smoke by Mohsin Hamid

In Lahore, Daru Shezad is a junior banker with a hashish habit. When his old friend Ozi moves back to Pakistan, Daru wants to be happy for him. Ozi has everything: a beautiful wife and child, an expensive foreign education – and a corrupt father who bankrolls his lavish lifestyle.

As jealousy sets in, Daru’s life slowly unravels. He loses his job. Starts lacing his joints with heroin. Becomes involved with a criminally-minded rickshaw driver. And falls in love with Ozi’s lonely wife.

 But how low can Daru sink? Is he guilty of the crime he finds himself on trial for?

I have an interest in literature written in an Asian or middle-eastern set up so the choice to read Moth Smoke wasn’t a hard one at all. In one line this book can be described to be about sex, drugs, and class conflict in 1990s urban Pakistan. It urges the reader to judge the trial of an ex-banker and heroin addict who has fallen for his best friend’s wife. The book highlights one key transition affecting the life of a warm hearted banker. The first cause is the personal financial crisis he goes through after losing his job. Second cause is the society. It is interesting to see the role society plays in making him a darker person.

After Ozi and his family return from New York, Daru has his old friend back and he thoroughly enjoys their company. He finds Mumtaz, Ozi’s wife very intriguing in her ways of being and her open-mindedness. Mumtaz is a very non-conventional asian woman. She doesn’t feel affection towards her son and doesn’t appreciate her husbands inherited surreptitious fortune. Because of these reasons her married life is going through its lows for a couple of years now. She is an anonymous journalist and covers controversial stories and this is where she gets the excitement and enthusiasm in her otherwise boring and lonely life.

Slowly, joblessness makes Daru ‘try’ hash and soon becomes an addict and a seller too. During this phase, it is very clear to see his life falling apart. Daru and Mumtaz find a lot in common and indulge in intoxication and bantering. Slowly these meetings blossom into a full fledged affair.

Another harsh reality that dawns upon reading this book is the huge rift in lifestyle for people belonging to different classes in society. Daru despite being a better student and more hard-working has a much harder life and cannot take anything for granted. On the contrary, Ozi has a dont care attitude has the best cars, alcohol and mansion in town without having made any effort to achieve or deserve it.

What I find most fascinating in this book is the way in which Hamid forces the readers to rethink about the three central characters. Daru starts off as being the likeable guy who unfortunately loses his job, who was a good student in school, misses his mother, happy about his friends, doesn’t like too many favours from his family/friends and a friendly character overall. His character progressively becomes darker. This is shown by his hatred for his friend Ozi because of his financial situation, his betrayal to his ‘best friend’s wife.

Ozi starts off as being the spoilt New York returned guy who cannot manage without air conditioners. Slowly, Hamid brings out other characteristics like being a good father, a faithful and loving husband very strongly. Taking a look at the third central character Mumtaz, the initial description of an asian married woman with a young child makes her sound rather normal but her nature is far from that. She loves her privacy, loves adventure, enjoys alcohol, indulges in an extra-marital affair and does anonymous magazine articles about most controversial issues that society normally shuns away from. In the end, it makes it extremely hard for the reader to make any judgements about any of the protagonists.

However there is a downside to the book. The analogy that Hamid tried to portray between Shah Jahaan’s sons and the characters of the book failed quite badly. I don’t know if it was just me but I was slightly lost and disinterested during that phase but I am glad I dint give up on the book.

Overall verdict: 4/5

Chalo Dilli

A Vinay Pathak and Lara Dutta movie. This is a remake of the English movie Planes,Trains and Automobiles. This is the first Vinay Pathak movie I have watched and was quite a refresher for me. The bollywood movies which I watched prior to this were 1.  Love Aaj Kal which was more like Love in Lame Kal and 2. Aisha was pure torture and couldn’t get myself to sit through it. I am not sure if thats the reason that I like Chalo Dilli more than other people seemed to have liked it.

The movie is about Mihika Banerjee, a strong career oriented woman who is an investment banker by profession and runs a large company. She is the ‘bitch from hell’ for her employees, I could quite relate to the role Sandra Bullock played in The Proposal though I would have to admit, I hated Sandra Bullock more clearly meaning she did more justice to the role. Back to Mihika Banerjee, she is portrayed to be extremely career minded that she is willing to forego her birthday celebrations with her hubby (Akshay Kumar) for some business deal. She clearly belongs to the high class society and is a clean freak who dislikes the typical loud, over-friendly middle classed Indian co-passenger. On her way to Dilli she meets a man Manu Gupta who perfectly fits that class of people she loathes.

The movie shows how these how these two individuals with completely opposite personalities have a rather adventurous long journey together. I must say certain parts of the movie have exceptionally witty one liners by Vinay Pathak but the charm doesn’t last through the length of the movie. In fact, after a bit it seems rather too cliched and expected. This journey helps Mihika appreciate the smaller joys in life like the beauty of  sun rise. The journey turns out to be more a life-lesson which helps her set her priorities right – family over work. Most importantly the icy witch learns to smile.

In short a lovely watch, very refreshing when compared to the mainstream bollywood love stories. But definitely could have been better in terms of the depth the characters have. They end up being just the stereotypes one has in their head nothing beyond.

3 for the movie but because of the fact that this is a refreshing change from the mainstream bollywood cinema another 0.5 points.

Final Verdict: 3.5/5

Lovers and Liars

A passionate love affair. A happy young family. And a successful 30-year marriage.

But which one will be destroyed by the truth?

Sophie and her sister, Jess, grow up knowing that a few little lies are necessary: You look great. It was only a joke. He’s just stressed. It doesn’t matter. Everything’s fine.

Everybody does it, don’t they?

But what about the big lies – about love, power and money? When Sophie discovers her father’s secret, and Jess falls in love with the charismatic Jake, Sophie has to look at her own life again. Should she keep quiet or tear her family apart with the truth?

And if she tells, who will pay the ultimate price?

I picked this book for casual light-hearted reading whilst travelling to work everyday as I did not want a rather heavy subject to be thrusted upon me. The title and the prelude suggested that the book was about relationships and betrayals, in short a family drama. I expected the subject to be rather something for easy reading which wasn’t the case. This book deals with the issue of domestic abuse.

The plot revolves around a British family of 4 based in London. The family includes Paige, Bill, Sophie and Jess. Paige is the main character of this story who is the victim of domestic abuse and doesn’t realize how she has been manipulated and exploited over the years. She does everything possible to save her marriage with Bill. He is an arrogant manipulative man who has a construction business and needs to in-control of everything and everyone. Sophie is their elder daughter, who is portrayed as a typical pretty, spoilt, popular girl. She feels responsible of taking care of everyone when in reality, she is the one who needs help in taking the right decisions. Jess on the other hand is a tom-boyish rebellious daughter which is a very big contrast when compared to her lovely sister. In the book, Jess’ character has shown a great spirit in taking decisions being independent and ‘thinking of herself’ which some members in her family are unable to do.

Sophie discovers Bill and his accountant Anthea Jones are having an affair and is in a fix whether or not to tell Paige about it. She tries to convince herself that she was blowing things out of proportion and that they had developed a personal comfort level with each other due to working together for long hours. Eventually the whole family finds out about this affair which Bill manages to very conveniently defy.

Bill is someone you can hate through the length of the book. He mistreats his wife, is an alcoholic. Does all the threatening in an extremely smart manner, spies on his wife, does everything to control her, criticizes her, ensures she has no friends, etc ,etc. Poor little Paige thinks he is just ‘under stress’ because of business is in trouble. Slowly she finds out the truth behind his behaviour. The manner in which the thought process of Paige has been showcased is great. How she makes the revelation that she indeed is the victim of domestic abuse, that her husband is not merely ‘under stress’ but a fanatical control freak and liar. I believe these are the most interesting and gripping parts of the book after which the unexpectedness of the book is rather low. You seem to be in a position to guess the ending which was rather a let down to me.  Overall a good read.

Final Verdict: 3.5/5

Meeting SRK – Ra.One Premiere at London

Yayy! I met SHAHRUKH KHAN!!! Spoke to him!!!

Okay starting like sane people would, I attended my first world premiere for a film and that too a SHAHRUKH KHAN film! To be honest, I don’t think I would have taken the effort I did if it wasn’t a SRK film. I met the man spoke to him – a childhood dream come true.

Let me start from the beginning and give you the feel of exactly what happened. Two of my other SRK crazy friends and me decided to go to the red carpet event of Ra.One in London just to get a glimpse of SRK. We had no clue how these things worked or how crowded it is or anything of the sort. We just wanted to see SRK, get an autograph and if we got very very lucky a picture with the Raj and Rahul of our dreams. No one really can pull off the Kkkiran or the romantic scenes and gestures that he does. I bet if anyone else does it they would look like a jackass but when King Khan does it, its romantic its WOW and you just end up dreaming about a Raj or Rahul yet again.

On October the 25th, we friends snuck out of work early just to the venue before it gets too crowded. That morning I wanted to know exactly what SRK was tweeting to have a clue about when would be the best time to leave and where would it be most likely to get that little extra time for an autograph or a photograph. I had forgotten my twitter account details but just to feel connected to SRK reactivated them the same morning. Usually the process of going to work isn’t exactly exciting but that morning I was in the best possible state of mind humming only and only SRK songs (mainly chammak challo and dildara). Happily went to office waiting for end of day (or close to end of day) to leave and go to SRK! Man! even saying it now after a couple of weeks feels amazing!

One of my friends (lets call her A) managed to leave work extremely early so my other friend (lets call her D) and me left a little later and decided to catch up with A at North Greenwich (the place where the premiere was). Throughout our journey we kept refreshing our twitter feeds just to see if SRK had tweeted dropping any hits about his whereabouts but no luck. Halfway through the journey D and me realized we did not have a paper or a pen to get the autograph we had been dreaming about! We started fishing for paper and pens hoping on the way back we would have SRKs autograph on it. Yes, we plan for the best )))

On reaching North Greenwich, D and me were hopping and jumping through the platforms and escalators to put in our best efforts to reach before SRK enters. Anyway, after all the hopping and jumping we called up A for a status update on the Red Carpet glitterati but it turned out to be the most depressing call of the day. We were told there is no point even going to the venue (which we had already arrived at) because there was too much security and only people with tickets were being permitted.

D and me decided to go ahead try our luck. At the venue, three of us spoke to the security tried every way of getting to the red carpet but all we came across was security, security and more security. After this ‘A’ decided it was a lost cause and headed home. A little later we discovered that the tickets were by invite only. We started wondering how non-filmy software engineers would ever get invites to premieres. We started thinking, if not this Don2 we mussst somehow get tickets. Disheartened and disappointed all of us tweeted to SRK telling him we were out and asking him how people got invites . Either ways, we decided to wait out in the cold JUST in case SRK had checked his twitter and decided to surprise us by coming out to the barricade and waving out to us.

We were almost 2hours in and had no luck whatsoever. We looked at the people with tickets who were entering and started taking wild guesses on how they would have got invites and tried calculating in our heads if we could do any of that just if it got us the passes. Soon we just gave up on coming up with absolutely flawed theories. Our hopes of meeting SRK were starting to seem slim.I put my hand in the pocket just to find the paper and pen I had kept in the most accessible place to not miss that splinter of an opportunity for an autograph. By the looks of it, I wasn’t going to need those after all. Sigh! That feeling of being sooo close yet so far just made matters worse for us. D and me kept wondering if leaving work sooner somehow would have helped us to get beyond the barricade.

We were those two disappointed girls at the barricade who were jealously eyeing anyone who came with a ticket and were discussing SRK movies to feel better at that moment. Just then a gentleman in a black satin suit walks up to us asking us if we wanted a ticket to the premiere. We were like ‘Duh! Yes’ who would have thought he was serious, at least we dint. And the next moment he takes and envelope out of his coat pocket. Seeing the envelope my happiness knew no bounds. <Background score: Dekha jo tujhe yaar dil mein baji guitar!!!>But we later saw that he only had ONE spare ticket. Aadmi do aur ticket ek?? Bahut nainsaafi hai <Gabbar style>

In an even more muddling situation we decided to ask the security if both of us could take turns to go inside so that only either of us is inside at once. But as expected they said NO! We dint want to waste the ticket but we couldn’t do this either. We both knew we both wanted it badly so whoever went in wouldn’t come out guilt-free. By now D was starting to lose it and started walking up and down hoping for the heavens to give us another pass or something. Meanwhile, I noticed a not-so-motivated white man standing with a bundle of tickets. I randomly walked up to him and asked, “Would you by any chance have a spare ticket?”. Now I had NEVER seen this coming, but the response was – “As a matter of chance I do”!!!!!!!!! YAYYYYYYYY. To be honest, I only walked upto the man so that I couldn’t look back at the whole thing and later say, what if I had asked someone. And that bit changed the whole thing for me.

At this point there were so many things along the same lines which were coming to me. Two of those were from Rhonda Byrne’s The Secret and Paulo Coehlo’s The Alchemist. I would like to quote The Alchemist here – “When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.”. It started to make so much more sense. I was starting to think about how many things I have wanted soooo badly. Couldn’t think of too many to be honest. What a pity! One thing I learnt that moment is start wanting things realll bad and do everything possible for it. It feels bloooody awesome when you get something after wanting it so badly. Anyway, getting back to the other thing that came to my mind. Being the filmy soul that I am I thought of the OSO dialogue:
” Itni shiddat se maine tumhe paane ki koshish ki hai ki har zarre ne mujhe tumse milane ki koshish ki hai,
  Kehte hai agar kisi cheez ko dil se chaaho toh poori kaynath tumhein usse milane ki koshish mein lag jaati hai.”
Just to let you know, I am as filmy as they come

After getting past the barricades, D and me we soo exhilarated that walking just dint seem enough. We actually RAN to the red carpet but on the way our very dear friends the security people stopped us there also and asked us to slow down! We thought we would be directed to the theatres or something but we did not realize until then that we would be walking on the same red carpet that king khan would be gracing shortly afterwards… Our excitement knew no bounds!!! Just then we both looked at each other and at the other people on the red carpet to realize we were the most under dressed souls around! We were in formal office wear (black pants and full sleeves white shirt) while people around us were in lovely gowns and all decked up.

After this yet again, we tried speaking to the security to somehow get permission to be around the red carpet we did not really want to watch the movie then and there. We could always do that later during the weekend but getting a glimpse of SRK wouldn’t be possible later. By now it would be no surprise to you that the security said a big NO yet again! And we were shooed away to the theatres. We were told that the team would be visiting each theatre where the movie was being premiered but I thought they were just plain exaggerating just to get us out of their hair.

In a hurry to leave office and get to SRK, we had not bought any snacks (which was an essential part of the initial plan). Starving I decided to buy the standard Nachos that you get in Cineworld. Just reached the lobby area to find a glass wall overlooking the red carpet. That instant, yet again in the day my hunger just disappeared! Tried to get a glimpse of SRK from there. Unfortunately for me, I am short sighted and had forgotten my glasses (which is nothing out of the ordinary). But the whole excitement of watching the gliterrati of the red carpet just roll by while I eat Nachos sounded too pathetic. So I stood there among the other excited fans who unlike me had proper vision and so they would do the spotting and identification of stars and I would TRY to see them with my lovely short-sighted vision

In this whole process, I realized Kareena Kapoor was the easiest to spot as she was wearing the shiniest silver sequin dress known to humankind. With all the lights and the flashes, it was wayyy to easy to spot her. But honestly I dint really care for anyone but SRK! From Kareena’s costume, it seemed to me that she had taken the whole video game theme wayyyy too seriously. I would have to mention that Arjun Rampal looked very dashing as well. I am not a Arjun Rampal fan but I think the whole tattooed Ra.One look was pretty awesome on him.

Anyway, after that yet again the Ra.One of this store the Security came again to shoo us into the theatre halls. We were promised that the team would be visiting. I had never seen  or met SRK before so the whole thought of him being so close was amaziiinnng! And luckily for me I was in the 3rd row. I shouted out to him asking him to come back for Don2 and he even responded. Dont ask me what… I was too blanked out to understand <Background Score – Tujhe dekha toh yeh jaana > . Either ways, on his way out I asked him for an autograph and he said “A little later darling, in a hurry now”  <Background Score – Aankhon mein teri ajab si ajab si>. I was already on cloud no.9 then I was addressed 1 on 1, so it dint feel too bad that I dint get an autograph. To be fair he said “little later” it would be interesting to see when that “little later” is but I am not worried because Picture abhi baaki hai mere dost.

PS: Sorry for the bad picture quality of the premiere pics. Those were taken from my phone and clicked by a hyper ventilating me.
Other pics of SRK that you see here are my all time favourites (which I got by taking the screenshots of the videos at JUST the right moment ) hope you like them too.

India and Regional Stereotypes

Trying to distinguish between those that aiyyo,aielee, amma, eesshh. Be it a chai party or kitty party or a high society gathering, regional stereotypes is very often the topic of discussion. Stereotyping isn’t great and is amusing when some people get offended with these… Please proceed only if you belong to those class of people who can laugh at themselves.

Tamilian: A Tamilian Anna is:

• Often pictured as the brainy serious person who excels at academics

• Loves his carnatic music and quizes his friends and family on the raga’s of a song on hearing it

• one who is asked to sing songs for any and every family gathering ‘oru paatu paadein’

• an ardent religion follower with photos of God staring down from every possible wall in the house

• Cannot get over idolizing Jayalalitha and Rajnikanth

• Hates Hindi

• Often look jaundiced. No they do not suffer from any health issues. They are just beauty concious and love to use their turmeric face pack in excess.

• someone who doesn’t like women to be size 0 in fact, they like them a little (or a little more than) plump. Thunder Thigh Rambha would sure be an example of this. Most actors belonging to this industry would easily be XL or XXL. Apart from this the hero in their movies can single handedly fight 20 bad guys and still save the girl!

Punjabi: A Punjabi is often pictured to be:

• with a dhol doing his signature ‘balle balle’

• over the top and excited

• the funny one and one who laughs the loudest

• drinking uncontrollably

• gauges how good a wedding party is by the amount and quality of alcohol being served ONLY

• love ghyo (a punju term for ghee ), lassi and pronthe (paranthas)

• have a lot of ‘teri toh …‘s in his dictionary

• screaming ‘chak de phatte’  out of ecstasy

• fierce and brave. Thus the unsurprising large number of Punjabi’s in the army

• extremely hard working and do not shun away from doing menial jobs

• the jaan and shaan of a gathering always

• food lovers and a large percentage of obese people in the country would belong to this category

• the kind who overdo make-up

• The kind who love to have some awesome shawsome type rhyming usages

Malayali: A Mallu chettan:

• loves coconuts and has it on his plate, on his head, on the sink (to do vessels with the chagrin), in the fireplace and everywhere possible

• just cant do without rice and needs a mid day meal having rice. Due to its presence in every household at any given point in time, mallus (Malayali’s) have discovered alternate uses of rice. I have even seen it being used as glue! (You already have an answer to the standard interview question which says ‘Give me few non-conventional uses of blah. If the blah is rice, we have hit the jackpot!)

• doesn’t use shampoos very often. The common/healthy practice is to pluck certain leaves and flowers and use the soaked water to wash hair

• man is that typical mooch (moustache) man you have read about or seen

• can be found anywhere and everywhere.There is a popular saying, “You dont meet mallus they just happen to you”

• is one who shops for ONLY two things (esp. in mallu land) – sarees and gold

• is obsessed with fairness creams and powders

• loves his lungis for various reasons…1. when getting bored u can fold it, undo it, redo it and all in public… 2. makes scratching easy 3. facilitates unrestricted ventilation due to reason 1.

• When it comes to movies here, I think they are very similar to their Tamil counterparts with the difference being, the hero here would first fold his lungi ( while the bad guys stand and watch) and  fight a whole battalion of bad guys alone and save the girl! The hero is in short a lungi clad superman!

Kerala fact-sheet: half or more than half malayali’s are NRIs settled in ‘DuFai‘ or ‘GElf‘. They louve to catch the ootoo (auto) by ccch-ccch‘ing it (a way of calling any and every random person and we thought call signals only existed in the animal world!). This state has 100% literacy but no they still don’t believe in working… They believe in strikes. Which turns out to be a blessing when you are in school or college. Who doesn’t like extra holidays?!

Gujrati: A Gujju bhai:

• is known to be stingy

• is the businessman of India

• is a vegetarian

• likes everything sweet including their dal (lentil soup) !

• has a taste for shiny/sparkly clothes

• is exaggerative

• calls every one baain (behn)

• loves to speak in english. Errrrm his version of it, where Pop is Pope, Hall is Hole. These variations of the language can at times result in ridiculously hilarious meanings. Try permutations with the above words and be creative. You would know what I mean!

• look for a reason to perform (sing/dance). This reminds me of that scene in Kal ho na ho… right before the song Mahi Ve. Can be fun (to the extent of being lame! ;P watch KHNH for further reference ) . Even the most obese oldie gujjus can put those fit gymming youngsters to shame with their garba and dandiya moves.

Bengali: The Bengali Babu and Boudi

• love feesh (Fish) in a spicy jhol curry

• love their mustard in every form… you name it, they use it!

• uses mustard oil for cold, earache, cough, etc. It is the Bong panacea.

• have shrill voices and can be heard a couple of houses away owing to their habit to speak errm softly.

• obsess wearing bindi and the rule says, the bigger the better.

• like everything colourful from their houses to their clothes.

Bengali fact sheet: They are the true artists of India.  Most of out actors, musicians, poets hail from there. They are known for their flawless beauty and beautiful skin. Other than this a rule that applies to the Bong English is that ’a’ and ‘o’ are equivalent. This means that Office is Affice, Mahima is Mohima, West Bengal is ‘Waste Bengal’  or ‘Bhaste Bengal’ and Veg is ‘Bhaej’.

UP waala’s :

A UP waale bhaiya is extremely hard to spot and classify. They come in different packages. One variety would be the paan eating ‘Kya kahat hain babua?’ types while another contrasting variety would be those ‘pehle aap‘ Lucknow Nawabs. The UP waalas are found all over India and claim to be the hindustani’s which is what makes them hard to distinguish. Cant decide which part of India a person belongs to? Must be a UP waale bhaiya.

On a personal note, I can relate to 3-4 of the categories mentioned above as my family has representations from the different states in India.